you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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