My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
