His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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