I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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