it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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