that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
