She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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