She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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