i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
