Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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