every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
