I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
