Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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