I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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