So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
