don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
