Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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