The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
