I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
