My sheets look like a crime scene.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
