38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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