No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
