apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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