I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
