It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
