Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
