The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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