I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
