I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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