I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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