So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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