I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
