I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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