note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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