someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we're making bets on your personal life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
