If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
