Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
