R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
