she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
