Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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