So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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