we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
