Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
