and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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