Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
