I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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