I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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