god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
