Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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