he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
