you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
