so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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